Stories from somewhere

by PJ Liguori

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00:57
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01:13

about

a collection of short stories from somewhere.

credits

released October 7, 2011

massive thanks to Maddy Vian for designing my album cover for me, she's awsum!

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all rights reserved

about

PJ Liguori UK

hey, I'm PJ, also known as kickthepj across the internet. here's some music stuff that leaked from my head.

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Track Name: Jetpacks and Rollerblades
If I had a jet pack,
I'd circle into space,
with roller-blades on my feet
and pencils in my hands.

But skating on the moon
is better in the morning,
and I feel better when
I am drawing

So I'll draw myself a picture
a rainbow tailed dinosaur
and I'll put him in a bowl
and fill the bowl with milk

suddenly everything
seems so much calmer
cats wearing bow ties
having tea with a llama
seems great

and even though I'm running late
to such a rad party
I don't seem to mind that
it's already started.

My attire isn't fitting
I think there was a theme
I must have misplaced the invitation
that explained everything

so I fire up the jet-pack
and head back home
but when I arrive to my dismay
all my friends have gone

oh no I think to myself
I'll draw up some more
but all my pencils are broken
and I left my paper on the moon
what a disaster
Track Name: Happy birthday (?)
So the original idea behind this concept was to write something for you for your birthday,
and I'm hoping that my lyrics will get across to you and be displayed in some hilarious array,
Now that you understand what I'm trying to achieve and we've got all of that out the way,
It leaves me with the minor issue of having no idea of what exactly I should say.

“yay, you're 20 years old now!” which is an alright age I guess,
and I'm only saying that because I've already been 20 and I really do have to confess,
that I've found nothing really changes, you're not making any real progress,
18 you can drink, 16 you can fuck, 20 you kinda feel like you're a little bit stuck.

But its not all bad and if you just thought I was being completely pessimistic,
I'm honestly not, this is just my outlook on life, I'm only being realistic,
but hey it's your special day, well that's what your parents lead you to believe,
it's just a day closer to death, well at least that's how it seems to me,

and I was going to buy you a present then I realised it'd just be some dumb old crap,
some junk you'd enjoy momentarily, with the worry of having to unwrap,
which is another point actually, why do people persist to wrap presents these days?
Building tension, creating suspension, not to mention feeling retention,
yeah, you heard me, I always buy gifts that I want to keep for myself,
but again, its just some old crap that would end up at the back of my shelf,

And with that I'll leave you alone to enjoy the rest of your birthday in peace,
I hope this hasn't soiled our friendship, if anything your like towards me should increase,
unless you didn't like the song, then I guess I'll have to leave you alone forever,
well, that's pretty much it. Same time next year I guess or whatever.
Track Name: Pencil Tooth
Whats it like having pencils for teeth
do you get much work done
hows it like having marbles for eyeballs
and hair fashioned out of gum

I know you live in a house made of paper
and have a leather pouch for a lung
your legs are made from tins and cans
so where the hell are you from?

I know you've seen the bottom of the ocean
I know you've travelled through space
I know you stand out a bit on this planet
but my what a pretty face

Where did you get those pointed ears
I'd be interested in a pair myself
I stole these pencils from a mathematician
and these ears from an elf

and I 'spose you're gonna go ahead and tell me
you took that gum from some children
It was as easy as stealing candy from a baby
so I guess that makes me a villain

Oh me oh my
this guy is a killer
oh me oh my
watch out for his stinger
oh me oh my
just wait til the winter
oh me oh my
pencil tooth's a killer

Pencil tooth's a killer
Pencil tooth's a killer
watch out watch out watch out watch out
watch out he's a killer

he'll steal your marbles and your sweets
he'll steal your ears in pairs
he'll rummage through your garbage
and he won't even care

Oh me oh my
this guy is a killer
oh me oh my
watch out for his stinger
oh me oh my
just wait til the winter
oh me oh my
pencil tooth's a killer
Track Name: My dad
My dad's great
he has a thousand arms and a thousand legs
my dad's really great
he can snap tree trunks like feeble twigs
and my dads really really great
he's the strongest guy that I know
my dads really super great
he reeks awesome from head to toe

he'd teach me things back in the day
valuable things like how to play
super mario brothers on the snes
metroid, kirby and links adventures, were ours.

My dad's great
he's a super hero in disguise
My dad's really great
he generally doesn't even need to try
Because he's really really great
he's the fastest man in the world
and he's super awesomely great
his hands are so big that he can hold

a million and one things in one palm
and a million in the other palm
and then juggle them around
as if it's no trouble at all, and it's really not.

My dad's great
I hope he lives til he's 100,000 years old
My dad's really great
I don't think that he'll ever go bald
My dad's really really great
he can build a house out of toothpicks
My dad's really fantastically great
his eyes turn clay into bricks

and in my eyes he's invincible
which I guess might not seem so sensible
cause everyone's power star's due to run out some day
but that doesn't mean he's any less great, than what he is.

My dad's great
My dad's really great
My dad's really really great
My dad's really superbly awesomely super fantastically
great
Track Name: Loser with a story
when i was at sea many years ago,
an octopus tried to drown my boat
all 8 eyes were locked on me,
the sea was black and it tried to squeeze

and my face turned blue, and my head spun around
and my feet weren't even touching the ground
I thought this was it, I was going to die
my heart slowed down, I was feeling kinda high

why would I make up such a lie have you seen your life flash before your eyes?

and It's not that I couldn't sleep that night
getting a wink or two would have been a delight
it's not the end but it wasn't the beginning
it certainly wasn't preferential treatment.

I was knocked right off my sea legs
by the waves that were bigger than my home
And I tried to recover in a shelter
that I found so deep down on the bed of the ocean

my arms had became fins
and my legs stuck together feeling kinda frozen
what had I become?

You could be the king of Nazareth
bathed in the golden sands of heaven
Stand strong by the pillars of Hercules
surrounded by a thousand henchman

But either way, your mind may sway
you're still going home tonight a loser with a story
if you're brave enough to slide through time
then you still going home tonight a loser with a story

and everything I've been through I guess I just look like a loser with a story (I'm just a loser with a story)
Track Name: Attic Adventures
we armed ourselves with wooden spoons
took all the pillows out from our rooms
and built the best fort that you could ever find
except it was a secret fort that you'd never find

We ventured forth
into the loft
Our adventure had begun

the attic is such a scary place
it's a scary place to be
one time we climbed inside
to see whatever we could see

Sophie said we'd be mad to go
Louis said he was raring to go
James also said the same and such
and Jamie didn't really say very much

because the attic is such a scary place
it was a scary place to be
so one time we climbed up inside
to see what we could see

where were all the monsters
where were all the ghouls (GHOULS AND GOBLINS GHOULS AND GOBLINS)
where was all the treasure
where were all the jewels (GHOULS AND GOBLINS GHOULS AND GOBLINS)

it's a scary place
to be on your
own

but so are most places
to be
on your own

the attic is such a scary place
it's a scary place to be
one time we climbed inside
to see whatever we could see

where were all the monsters
where were all the ghouls
where was all the treasure
where were all the jewels
Where were the spiders
Where were the clowns
Where are all the scary things
upstairs in our house
Where were the moblins
Where were the ghosts
and the scary evil toaster
That made evil toast
Where's my Nintendo
Where's my Sega
Where's my Atari
Where's my Amiga

All hidden in the attic
The scariest place to be
similar to the time we climbed inside
to see whatever we could see

the attic is like totally the scariest place I've ever step foot
but the storage space is great so I can't really complain on that level
Track Name: All my friends are dead
All my friends are dead
yes that's right they're dead
one day we were hanging out by the river
and the sun started to get bigger and bigger

I said “hey Steve would you look at that”
He said “oh god I'm looking at that”
It was a giant flaming ball of magma
a phantasmic ball of glowing plasma

And then it destroyed all of my friends
all of my very best friends
and the rest just became a chunk of history
and now our existence is a mystery

All my friends are dead
yes that's right they're dead
they're very very dead
extinct, wiped out and dead
Track Name: Powls
A wise owl once stopped me
and perched upon my shoulder
he said “I know whats in your pocket boy,
I spied it from a distance”

He wasn't wrong, he knew the facts
he had his beady eyes on me
although I turned and shrugged to him
and pleaded innocently

if he even as much as nibbled this bread
that sat inside my jeans
his feathers would turn to wool
and grow poles out then end of his wings

This here's my secret supply I said
in case of emergencies
and by that point I realised,
now was a better time than any

To shove the bread right down my throat
and make a quick get away
so I did just that, and my legs turned to poles
a thousand feet in the sky

I had a beard made out of clouds
and I never wanted to go back
because I finally got some peace and quiet
and a place where I could relax

and think about all the groovy things
that I wanted to do
like skip and write and draw
and eat just to name a few

so with my head up there in the clouds
I dozed off for just a little while
and dreamt about all the awesome people
and things that make me smile
Track Name: Kingdom
My kingdom, is over run with
creepers and crawlers
ugly, messy, smelly, hungry
spreepers and sprawlers

frogsnarks hopping, hopping around,
buffalopes stomping and smashing up the ground,
Zebrats flying and hanging upsidown,
piggoos mooching all over the town.

Cowrems rambling, and grazing the grass,
hoblephants waiting under the overpass,
liobanes pouncing on the unsuspecting children,
havocrays buzzing and purring like an engine,

My Kingdom is over run with
creepers and crawlers (OH GOD)
sneaking, spying, spraying, lying,
dreepers and droolers.

Monkbees swinging, spudding up the streets,
a million kangareeps with a million fluffy feets,
pandaduds eating our food supply,
watching all the llamaru trot on by,

I'm counting out the sandgoose two by twos,
but ya gotta be quick or they'll eat your shoes.
Whaleroars screaming and tearing up the place,
freaky looking muledogs with half a face!

My Kingdom is over run with
creepers and crawlers (OH GOD)
when will this stop when will this end oh
greepers and gruelers (OH MY)
My kingdom reduced to ashes and rubble
heepers and hoolers (GO HOME)
So much destruction so much trouble
bleepers and bloopers (OH GOD)